Hello all
My name is Zack, and I am a concerned human.
What am I concerned about, you ask? The towels. In the 21st century, it has become a well known fact that the towel race is harmful. Their absorbant 'capabilities' are well beyond anything that the human race has ever experienced. As we, the human race, make advancements in useless fields such as nuclear physics, the towels are quietly honing their microfibres, planning their next move. Their goal is singular: world domination.
Now, I know that you are scoffing. Stop it. They can sense it. The towel has been claimed to be the most useful tool in the universe. It is only natural for them to take advantage of their position and attempt to dominate the world. It is our job to stop them.
Some little known towel-facts:
1. The first towel micro-organism was found in Ecuador in 1943. Since then, biologists have discovered that towels live in towel colonies at the bottom of the ocean.
2. Towels do not "live" in the human sense. They do not breath, eat or drink. Consequentially, they live without issue at the bottom of the ocean, out of human reach.
3. Towels do procreate, but not in any sense with which we are familiar. If the microfibres from two towels mix, a young, baby towel is ripped out of the asshole of the male towel and, over the period of 15 minutes, develops into a fully grown, mature towel.
4. Towels can never die. To me, this is the most frightening fact. The only way to rid this world of towels is by sending them to the Sun.
5. Towels LOVE marijuana. It is their one human weakness. Towelie, from the television show South Park, is the only footage we have of the towel in his natural habitat.
I hope that you all will join with me in an effort to forever rid the world of towels.
With this goal in mind, I have established the NCATWD - the National Council Against Towel World Domination.
Paypal Donations are welcome.
